"true or false: all is fair in love & war" // "true" // "great answer" // "great question" - the classic first date question exchanged between Andie Anderson & Benjamin Berry.
I have recently learned that no matter how perfect things appear - relationships are just a jenga tower waiting to come crashing down. Okay - so maybe this blog post might be a bit of a rebuttal and possibly a bit cynical but it my fucking blog :)
So, how does one lose a guy in 30 days you ask?! Well let me tell you...
Firstly - meet on tinder... because every epic love story starts with "One upon a swipe". Lol no for real?! I mean, how else are people meeting now-a-days!? And this is where my story starts. Let me introduce you to Bob, a hard working country boy with the most amazing green eyes you have ever seen. He swiped right... hmm maybe I need a fun name too - Beatrice LOL Where was I?! Oh yeah - Bob swiped right, Beatrice swiped right! Both on Valentines day of all days. And instantly there was a spark. They spoke for hours via tinder, then via text, and then came their first phone call. 5 hours... 5 fucking hours they talked on the phone for. Beatrice knew then and there that this man was fucking epic, and she was a goner!
Secondly - be 100% yourself... because the man or woman who is your partner for life should know the deepest darkest things that make you tick, right?! Be open, be receptive, be honest and be real. This is probably the hardest thing for Beatrice. Long story short, Beatrice only had two major relationships before and with one she had to be all country; and the other all city. But truth be told, she is a 50/50 split. She felt amazing being 100% herself with Bob. Bob got it because he was the same! He appreciated art, architecture and the abyss that is the city - while spending time on the family farm and out on the lake. They had hit the jackpot. Beatrice felt incredibly lucky - and Bob thought for sure he was the lucky one.
Thirdly - talk about your future... because "you should be excited about our future together" as Bob once said. Let yourself dream, believe and hope! I mean come on - its not like you're getting any fucking younger! Beatrice wants to be married to her best friend; she wants to have that cant-eat-cant-sleep-reach-for-the-stars-over-the-fence-world-series kind of love; she wants the Dominic to her Letty - the Brian to her Mia - the shot of whiskey to her glass of wine. "Ride or Die, Remember?" - Dominic to Letty </3 So they did - they talked about what their wedding would be like, what his last wedding was like, where they would live, how they would decorate, the puppy he would buy her for their house warming, the man cave/garage he would have for their classic cars and the car he would buy her for their first wedding anniversary. Beatrice was so scared that any time they spoke about any thing remotely futuristic that he would bolt... or that she would bolt!! But then Bob said the one thing that Beatrice needed to hear; she was everything he ever wanted in life and she couldn't shake him that easy.
Fourthly - plan the family meeting... because your family should be a top priority always! Bob surprised Beatrice by actually making an effort here!! He fucking booked flights to attend Beatrices' brother's wedding. Jerry & Emma were to be married in just two months so it was very exciting that Bob was going to make it out!! Okay - so this part of the story Beatrice has a hard time telling without tears so... next!!!
Fifthly - be excited about how well the other will fit in with your friends... friends are very important - well to Beatrice anyway!! And she could not wait until the day she got to introduce everyone to Bob! They were going to love him!! Not only did he make her happy but he was the most perfect man anyone could ask for for Beatrice! And she could not wait until she got to meet Bob's main peoples - meeting the people that make your man tick is the best!! All the good juicy stories, embarrassing photos etc etc etc!! HAHA!! Annddd there is the tears again... Beatrice is kind of a pussy and is crying for no good reason!!! Quick...
Sixthly - tell each other how happy the other one makes them... and ladies, let him tell you how happy you make him; let him tell you how he is the lucky one, because I promise you it is the best feeling in the world.
Seventhly - have the exact same taste in car movies - and nicolas cage movies...
Eighthly - miss each other...
Ninthly - spend every second you can getting to know something new about each other...
and finally - make sure you pay more attention to time changes when your on the other side of the world from the other and WISH HIM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN THE MORNING NOT THE AFTERNOON!!!!! Y'all think I am joking here but Beatrice is very serious about this one... because exactly 30 days from that first swipe, this is how she lost her guy.
Now - I am sure you are wondering what in the actual fuck?! Me to - so basically Beatrice was working away on the other side of the world all the while being so excited to wish Bob a Happy Birthday! She loved birthdays - not only did she have a surprise for him that night when he woke up (time change is a bitch) but she was planning on surprising him with flights she booked to go see him a few days after she was back in Canada! Okay and realistically she bought him a cheesy tourist gift too LOL!! Anyways - so the day is going by and she is dead set that that night was when Bob would wake up on his birthday... ya well no!? Even though she was a day ahead over there, her vaca/work blur put her a day behind. Bob had to then remind her that it was his birthday and she felt like absolute shit!!! How did she fuck that up?! Don't ask - those tears happen again!! But she did - and no matter how much she apologized he had changed.
"... because you can't lose something you never had!" - Andie Anderson
He was cold & stopped doing all the amazing things previously mentioned; stopped taking her calls and texts, and made Beatrice's anxieties go bat shit crazy!! She knew it was over... he didn't even have to say good bye for her to know. She had broken his heart and he was breaking hers in return...
She believed him - she believed everything he said - she was happy - she finally felt good enough - she felt like she had known this man for years - and she thought she would know him for years to come. But she fucked up... by 10 hours. 8pm is not good enough... her sorries were not good enough... she was not good enough...
"I didn't fail, I found 2,000 ways how not to make a light bulb; I only need to find one way to make it work." - Ben Gates - national treasure
"I didn't fail, I found yet another way to lose a guy. And hopefully one day I find one way to make it work." - Beatrice...
Chat soon // misty-dawn x
